292 Chapter 53 Riftan ate the almost charred bread in silence. After blankly observing him for a moment, Maxi bashfully cast her eyes down. He had been watching even when she thought he was not paying attention to her. Perking up, she finished her meal by dipping the stale bread in her stew. When complete darkness surrounded them, the knights placed the horses in the temporary stable and retired to their tents one by one. It was the Remdragon Knights’ turn to keep watch that night. Maxi’s face fell as Riftan placed a bedroll over a leather hide next to the fire. It gnawed at her heart that her husband had to sleep outside in the cold. Was it necessary for one of the commanders to act as a guard when plenty of other knights were present? She was absorbed in her selfish thoughts when Riftan threw her a sharp look. “Why aren’t you going in to rest?” “The commander is right, my lady,” Ulyseon chimed in with a bright smile as he laid his bedroll beside Riftan’s. “You should rest now. You must be tired, after all.” Maxi hesitated before slinking into one of the tents. The other mages were already sleeping in the dark, cramped space, swaddled cocoon-like in blankets. Maxi lay down next to Sidina. Though she was utterly exhausted from riding all day in the biting cold, sleep eluded her. After quietly staring at the dark tent ceiling, she turned her attention to the sounds outside. Eventually, the faint voices ceased, and an air of loneliness filled the night. For a long time, wheezing breaths and rumbling snores were the only sounds. Maxi tossed and turned beneath her blanket for a while before giving up. She sat upright and poked her head through the tent flap. Her gaze immediately landed on Riftan, who was sitting by the fire. He had one leg stretched out before him and was poking the flames with a branch. When she saw that neither Elliot nor Ulyseon were around, she wrapped herself in a blanket and walked over. Riftan’s eyes had been serene as they stared into the flames. When he saw her, he turned his head and cocked an eyebrow. “Why are you still up?” “I-I woke because I was thirsty. Where… are the others?” “In there,” he said, gesturing to the knights’ tent with his chin. “I told them I’d wake them when their turn came. I didn’t want them sitting here since both would refuse to sleep with me awake.” Maxi crouched next to him with a bitter smile, and Riftan stared at her disapprovingly. “Go back inside and sleep. Another grueling journey awaits us in the morning. You should rest while you can.” “B-But… I can’t sleep,” Maxi mumbled. Riftan’s brow furrowed. He regarded her pensively, then grabbed the flask hanging from his leather belt. He opened the lid and handed her the container. “It’s strong. A few sips should help you fall asleep.” Accepting the flask, she sniffed the contents with a skeptical expression. When she took a sip, the bitter liquor burned her throat on its way down. She scowled and began to cough. The awful taste did not last long, and she did indeed feel much better as the liquor warmed her stomach. Hugging her knees, she took a few more sips. After quietly watching her, Riftan snatched the flask out of her grip. “That’s enough. Any more, and you’ll wake with a headache.” She eyed the flask wistfully, but Riftan’s stern expression soon dissuaded her. She smacked her lips and dropped her head against her knees. “You should head back inside now,” he said brusquely, gazing down at her. “L-Let me sit with you a little longer.” He frowned but said no more. Feeling tipsier by the minute, Maxi kept her head on her knees as she observed him. In the light of the campfire, his face looked dangerously handsome and frighteningly cold at the same time. Hesitating, she asked, “A-Are you… still angry with me?” Riftan froze at the sudden question. “No,” he said eventually. She stared at him dubiously. “But… y-you’ve been so cold again… ever since we joined the scout party.” Without replying, Riftan snapped the branch in his hand and tossed the pieces into the fire. The flames blazed as they swallowed the wood. He quietly stared into the fire for some time before finally opening his mouth. “If I’m being honest, I still don’t know how I should treat you.” “What… do you mean?” “After I let you leave like that, I could not forgive myself… and you.” Suddenly sober, Maxi looked up at him, her face pale. He seemed to be wearing that familiar, impassive mask. With his eyes fixed on the fire, he added dryly, “I resented you as much as I yearned for you. Such emotions don’t disappear so easily.” A self-deprecating smile curled his lips before weakly falling away. ‘Though I still can’t bear to be away from you even then.’ Maxi sat bolt upright and said hastily, “I-I only left because—” “I know,” he said. “Even I know that you were right… and that I was wrong.’ ‘But even if it was the wrong decision, I still wanted us to be together, and I was willing to give up everything to keep you by my side.’ Maxi looked up at him, not knowing what to say. Riftan met her gaze, something within his eyes crackling. ‘You, on the other hand, would no doubt choose the same if you were placed in that situation again. For my sake or for your own, you would do the right thing while saying it’s the only way. You are capable of making decisions I could never dare make.” He paused and clenched his jaw as if to suppress his surging emotions. ‘And that scares me,” he professed after a while. Maxi was stunned. Did the man who boldly faced monsters just admit he was afraid of her? When she continued to stare at him in disbelief, Riftan impatiently rubbed his mouth. He added bitterly, “I don’t want to put myself through that ever again.” “I-I would never” Before she could finish, there was a clattering sound, and Ulyseon came out of the knights’ tent. Rubbing his nape to dispel his drowsiness, he walked over to the fire. Spotting Maxi, the young knight’s eyes widened in surprise. “What are you doing up, my lady?” She opened and closed her mouth, but no words came forth. ‘You should sleep now,” Riftan said woodenly. His face was once again emotionless, as if his moment of vulnerability had never happened. After looking back and forth between the two men, Maxi meekly returned to the mages’ tent. Only when she was surrounded in darkness did her eyes begin to prickle with tears. She quickly buried herself under her blanket. It was obvious now that anger was not the only reason Riftan so desperately tried to keep her at arm’s length. He was trying to protect himself from being hurt again. Maxi wiped the tears streaming down her cheeks and pulled her blanket over her head. He was just like her. No, he was even more scared than her of getting hurt. The realization broke her heart. The weather the next day was as harsh as Riftan had predicted. The gusts were knife-like, cutting them from all sides. It even snowed intermittently. Maxi’s cheeks were numb from the cold, her ears felt as though they were being pricked with needles, and her hands and feet were slowly freezing over. When the wind grew more violent, the party erected windbreaks to rest for a short while and set out once more when the horses were rested. They now only had enough food to last them fifteen days. They could not afford to waste time. They rode north to west without stopping, then west to north. Their firewood stores dwindled rapidly. As they went on, the mages looked more and more haggard. Maxi was no exception. Though she tried her best to appear undaunted, the long days in the extreme cold had her fighting off the urge to beg to turn back. But this had been her choice. She steeled her weakening resolve a hundred times a day as she silently followed the knights. She had no idea how long they wandered the snowy mountain before they finally came upon a lead. Geoffrey, who had been searching the terrain with magic throughout their journey, pointed to a snow-covered summit. “There’s a considerable amount of mana concentrated over there behind that summit.’ The knights riding ahead reined their mounts to a halt in unison. ‘[Is it the monster base?” ‘[I can’t be certain, but there is something there. I sense a strong barrier around it.’ After looking in the direction Geoffrey pointed with a pensive expression, Kuahel turned to the knights. “Since we have no other leads, we shall go investigate.” ‘IA rash reconnaissance would be foolish,” Riftan said frostily. “We could be discovered by Ayin monsters. It would be better to hide the horses and the wagon somewhere and have a few men go investigate.” Kuahel frowned as if to object, but he appeared to concede to Riftan’s point soon after. He nodded. “Very well. We shall first search for a place to shelter.” He turned his horse around, and the other knights followed. Knowing that Rem was always lagging, Maxi tried to encourage her on. She felt Riftan’s eyes on her from time to time, but she avoided meeting his gaze. She did not think she could face him just yet. Now that she knew how deep a wound she had caused, she found it difficult to approach him..