Chapter 3328 The Real Monster (Part 1) "A wandering soul never sleeps. We can't sleep. Not because we lack a body but because sleeping requires you to clear your mind. To let go of your obsessions and worries long enough to find a moment of peace. "For a wandering soul, it means losing your attachment to the world of the living and moving on. "When a Demon is born, Lith's darkness and Spirit Magic form the vessel we inhabit but it's the emotions that bind a soul to Mogar that allow the vessel to move. In Forgemastering terms, Lith makes the golem's body and the soul powers its enchantments. "The more a Demon moves, the more our obsessions and rage are consumed in the fire of battle until we have no will to fight anymore." "This is no secret." Silverwing said. "Everyone who has witnessed Verhen's Demons and has a shred of knowledge about Necromancy has understood it on their own." "But not that the Void Sigil's purpose is to restore our obsessions. To keep us bound to the world of the living not by some godlike intervention bullshit but by our own will." "What do you mean?" Baba Yaga's interest was piqued. "Inside my Sigil, I've relived the best and worst moments of my life. Every happy and sad event was replayed in front of my eyes over and over. Yet it wasn't just a memory. It was like being there again. Living them again. "The smells, the colors, even the taste of the air on my tongue was in no way different from the real deal. It reminded me why I chose to stay behind seven hundred years ago and what I'm still fighting for. "My happy moments were when I first Awakened, when I started my apprenticeship under you, Ripha, and then under Sally. Then there was the moment when I received the title of Ruler of the Flames. "After that, I finally met Threin. I relived our dates, the time we spent in front of the fireplace, and, of course, Epphy," Ripha's face lit up with a smile for the first time since she had entered Bloodhaven. "Useless to say, it seems my good life ended with him. There was no happy memory after he died, only misery and regrets." "Well, that's an underwhelming revelation." Lochra sighed. "On the plus side, I doubt Verhen will get angry with you. This 'secret' is not something that can be used against him or that he can use against others. "On top of that, what's humbling about this?" "Maybe you didn't hear me, but I said happy moments." Menadion replied. "I wasn't on cloud nine all the years I was Awakened or your apprentice. Just for the few minutes before the feeling of exhilaration was eclipsed by need and duty. "With Threin and Epphy, instead, it wasn't just one fleeting moment of happiness but hours, sometimes entire days. While I was inside the Void Sigil, I didn't recall the first piece I ever Forgemastered but Elpphy's first step. "I remembered all the times Threin told me he loved me, not the praises I received from my colleagues and clients. "What's humbling is that I realized how little I enjoyed my life whenever I wasn't around my daughter and husband. Yet I spent most of Threin's life prioritizing my work over him and then I avoided Elphyn for even longer because I felt guilty for her father's death. "I feel humbled because I don't regret spending one more hour in my Forge but missing many dates with my husband. I always postponed Threin's plans saying that we'd do it later or at another time. "I didn't defy death to Forgemaster one more gods-damn masterpiece but because it took me dying to realize that the tower isn't my greatest creation, Epphy is. Yet I spent most of my time perfecting the tower in case Epphy died and ended up missing her life!" Ripha covered her face with her hands, sobbing, "Don't be like that, Ripha." Baba Yaga patted her back and handed her a handkerchief. "Everybody makes mistakes." "Not everybody!" Menadion snarled a thank you and blew her nose. "While I was still a Demon, I saw Elina teaching Epphy how to cook. I stood there at night when Elina brushed Epphy's hair before bed. "I listened to them talking for hours about the silliest things and laughing. Laughing! I never did any of those things with Epphy and not even inside the Void Sigil I found a single memory of her laughing with me after Threin died. "Bytra may have killed my daughter but when she did, I had already abandoned Epphy for years. Bytra is not the real monster in my story, I am!" Her wailing and the sobbing became so loud that talking was impossible. Silverwing and Baba Yaga waited for Menadion to calm down, gently caressing her back as tears formed a multi-colored pool at the feet of the First Ruler of the Flames. "I'm sorry you are in such pain, my friend. The Mother handed Menadion more handkerchiefs. A Demon had no snot, but she blew her nose by habit and the simple gesture made her feel alive. "Yet I'm also happy for you. You've finally realized your foolishness. Many people fail to understand what they truly care about until it's too late and you are one of the very few people who has been given a second chance. You can still fix this." "I don't know." Menadion sniffled. "I failed as a mother. I failed Threin and Elphyn. I don't have the right to be happy after everything I've done." "I agree." Lochra nodded, drawing the Mother's stern gaze. "You don't have a right but a duty to be happy. Not for yourself, for Epphy. She's been wondering all this time what kind of woman her mother was. "Now you can show her and let Solus know her mother like the poor Epphy never could. Solus still asks herself if you ever loved her and why you abandoned her in the tower instead of staying by her side while she recovered. "Now you can tell her the truth and apologize for the pain you caused her. More importantly, you can make amend for it. You can give her everything she has missed during her first life. Only if you throw away this chance you are the monster you claim to be!" It took Menadion a few minutes of stunned silence and another sip of Red Moon to find her voice again. "That was harsh, Lochra, but you are right and I needed to hear it. Thank you." "It was friends are for." Silverwing gulped down the bottom half of her glass. "And uncharacteristically empathetic." The Mother tormented her lower lip, her eyes narrowed. "Also, Ripha may be the one who has been crying but it's you who have the face of someone who had to eat shit and pretend it was chocolate." "That's because while Ripha talked, I couldn't help but think about my own life and notice how similar we are." Silverwing poured herself another shot and gulped it down to find the courage to speak her mind. "I tried to remember the last time I was proud of myself and it was back when I became a Magus."